Bullies Everywhere

It is a sad and shocking moment when you realize that the people around you can be so hostile and mean. When their  “inggit” gets the better of them.

Why else would they be  hostile and mean to somebody? They veil their hostility though jokes that are meant to embarrass you, put you on a spot? And yet they get to laugh with you?

Sometimes , a joke in poor taste is as good as an insult. People know this and they use this as their weapon, hiding behind a joke, hiding with the thought that it would be hard to censure them since it is “supposedly” a joke, so chill”.  Pathetic…people know when they are being insulted, people feel when they are being attacked.. when hostility is directed to them….and yes, many just take it with a grain of salt, to keep the peace ..fearful that  a reaction from them would only make the situation more tense.. worst  the hostile party can turn the table on them and expose the aggrieved to more hostility…

Have you been in this situation? Feeling that the hostile joke is directed at  you…to make you squirm and  uncomfortable and angry and yet confused whether to retaliate or keep silent? Are you put in a situation when you feel attacked and yet helpless? Have you felt daggers and arrows whizzing pass you and you are petrified?

People sometimes can really be  mean , really hostile, and much as we would like to punch and kick them.. it would be better to manage  that anger, that  instinct to hit back . But we have to manage our anger  so that anger will not become a poison , poisoning our peace, poisoning our physical well being!

Bullying does not happen only in schools, in offices bullying does exist ! And bullying is not  done to “weak, timid, geeky, or poor kids/adults alone.  Sometimes, even some one with a strong personality is bullied by way of hostile jokes….you can be the highest paying, the prettier, the more intelligent or vice versa but you can also be bullied. Hostile and insulting jokes is a form of bullying. There are people who really tests you, they will deliberately push you buttons  to see how you react . They think they have exposed your weakness when you retaliate , when you grow confused and get angry and you pushed back…when you push back they will jump  at that opportunity and spread that lies that you have lost your composure….    

We can bear it and grin or push a little , fight back the way they do it to you? But are we better for it?  Maybe we can take it in stride, forgive them right there and then and try to forget.

If this hostility continues to eat us up, then it becomes a poison , a poison we use to slowly stress ourselves…we have to let go..we have to see the best in us ….and maybe savor the thought that this poor guy is so bitter with his life , that bitterness comes through in the form of hostility !! ha ha ha!!!!

A deep breath, a grin and a sigh may help us during those bashing time…… then we move forward …….

 

Let us savor our life the way it should be, no bitterness and no resistance  , we flow like water…….soar like an eagle!!! Let us let go!!!

Leaving an Era Behind...

This Saturday, October 27, 2012, as we turn off the lights at the Museum , I can not help but feel so heart broken. Maybe Odhe feels it too…. Maybe because there are only 2 of us manning the GSIS Museum, the deafening silence  enforces that melancholic feeling…….

From the Upper Gallery down to the lower galley , we turn off the lights of the Museum. I am startled by the seeming emptiness of the place yet there are still artworks hanging on the walls……I feel I am going to a familiar place with   unfamiliar sights, sounds and feel.…..

Gone are the rural scenes and the light and shadows  from the works of Fernando Amorsolo ,  gone are the religious icons seen from the works of Botong Francisco , the long ago scenes from the Jose Blanco’s  paintings and gone is the Bayanihan and  its  spirit by Vicente Manansala that  greets us at the lower gallery. No more are the shapes and colors of the   HR Ocampo abstracts. It feels strange…. 

The sadness becomes deeper as we gaze at the murals by Fernando Amorsolo and  Roger San Miguel , knowing that soon they might be leaving the GSIS Museum…It is an eerie feeling  looking at the museum from the Upper Gallery bereft of its long time occupants and now the walls that have cradled the works of the masters , are now cradling new artworks , as if the babies that these walls have cradled have grown up and left the nest …now the Museum will be cradling new woks , new babies that we hope to see grow up and join the long list of Filipino masters…..

We close the doors of the Luna room , feeling we are closing the door to an era, to a time when a Parisian Lady  use to sit and gaze at visitors coming in……On Monday , we are preparing to open the doors of the Luna Room …….and see another world , another time?  Ha ha ha….it would still have the time period we have been so familiar coming in, with one big difference, no more Parisian Lady …….

For now , I am, we are, struggling to familiarize ourselves with  our new occupants, our new  babies and dealing with missing the old masters …. But life goes on..the Museum  staff  will be  meeting, exploring and embracing  new artists, events and exhibits…….because we believe……J  

Taken Down...

As they are taken down, a tinge of sadness  passes through the staff of the GSIS Museum…they are taking down, one by one the artworks of the masters!

First the Amorsolos, then the Manansalas, then maybe the HR Ocampos and now the Alcuaz’s ….then the old Churches of  Ragodon…..

We wait with bitterness, yes that bitterness that we are trying so very hard to fight…we are succeeding but we feel it…we wait , we anticipate….the Parisian Life is next…….

We are busy, we try to keep ourselves busy not to see how they are packing, boxing the lights that had kept our museum bright…..

We go to the storage room , the  sound of sadness greets us, as plastic bubbles , as boxes are folded and taped ..as titles are written on top of each box, inside its precious cargo, the works of the masters…just some of the 90 or so artworks to go…

It is true , we have grown attached, maybe in love with those artworks but can you blame us? We have tried preparing ourselves when this day is supposed to come, we did but as the day  nears , we lose our nerves….. this has been their house, and we have been their caretakers….we know we are loosing them and yet we can not help miss them already.

We now look forward to reinventing our place in the GSIS…in discovering and being  of service to our members and public alike as we look forward to  seeing them back in the Museum …soon… until then we bid our bitter-sweet goodbye for now!!!   

Travelers

Travelers

People come in and out of our lives…no matter how much we pray for some people to stay in our lives, forever is not a popular word in our relationships.

Friends , families only stay in our lives for some reason and when their time with us is up, they fade away. Some times the circumstances when they leave are painful…we remember them with bitterness in our hearts …we struggle to forget but they come back, haunting us , making forgetting harder and harder….other times they leave when we least expect them to leave, but most of the times   people in our lives leave without us knowing , without us feeling they have left. We only realize they have left us when we are confronted with situations and our need for their presence become real….

Most of the times we are left with just the lessons, we forget who taught us, ghostly memories of people who touched our lives and like the clouds, they just pass us by ….

And then there are people whose spirit remains with us for a long time ……they have left us and yet their spirit lingers boosted  by the feeling they have made us feel, by the tenderness we feel when they were still here and places , sights and sounds make us remember……

People , places can also make us forget…..we become heady, drunk with the here and now and we forget.. we forget the lessons of the past….we head out to the future oblivious of the lessons which arm us , prepare us for the future…the unknown future….Not knowing makes us afraid………

Afraid of what could be ….afraid we have no one to turn to…..no memories to draw our strength   from…we must remember for remembering  brings us back to where we are before, who we were and in turn strengthens who have become now!! Let us remember the people who has traveled in and out of our lives...together with the lessons they have imparted..

Partners..Happiness..Options

Partners…..Happiness….Options

For those of us who are married , happily or otherwise,  seldom do we  think that we are part of this happiness or unhappiness?  Or that in a marriage equation , we are as  guilty as our partners for our unhappiness and as responsible for our  real or maybe unreal happiness!

Just like when we play we play to win but this relationship is not one of up- manship. It is not even a game.! This relationship is about each other , of family , of children ! So let us stop playing but let us enjoy the ride, the company !!!

Our husbands are not the enemies, or are they ! No,  husbands and wives are teams   , partners!

Husbands and wives complement each other, when one is down , the other is up ha ha ha like a seesaw but a seesaw comes down after a while and that is how the relationship works.

This time the wife is up , she nags and nags, the husband chills out , hear her out and let it pass. Then the husband ef’s up, the wife  is there  to support and stand by him…I am talking about some other things here not effing up as in shacking up with another woman …infidelity has no place in the marriage and yet it happens.. men and women alike wander  away, get in that situation and most of the times succumbs to that temptation. But hey, if the will is strong, infidelity has no hold , if the commitment is there  .

Happiness in marriage is a shared responsibility, a shared  experience…marriage is a commitment.. just like being happy in a marriage is a decision.

What do you do if you are no longer happy in a marriage.. is leaving the first or the only option? 

Maybe you can ask yourself first? Why are you no longer happy? Is the love gone? No way to rekindle the love? Or maybe you just need  more romance? Maybe it’s just the romance?

When one is no longer happy  it does not mean , one can not be happy again in the marriage? Maybe a little work on the romance department is needed ? Maybe  love is not gone , just dormant  and a little fire might be enough to awaken the passion….

But whatever it is, unhappiness in a marriage does not always mean  parting ways,  separation  is not the first option  but  remember  it is an option ..  when love is no longer there, when  respect and caring has flown away and happiness can not be rekindled , the wife or the husband can start checking out his or her options….  factor in the children, if there are. After all  a marriage maybe between a husband and a wife but in between , the children…..  

But life is not black and white , what works for me might not work for you or it might...but whatever it is...our decisions make our lives go on and on and on....the sooner we make our decisions , the sooner we can start over again...

Silence

Silence …the deep silence of  the Heart

Do you often hear yourself? Do you recognize your own voice, your thoughts in the midst of silence?

Does silence talk to you? What does it say and what do you say?

A deep deep silence allows our heart to speak its emotion , our minds to recognize itself

from the maddening sounds that envelope us every second of our life!

Deep Silence ……deep sorrow….deep joy….deep sleep…..deep feelings….

From Chauffeur to Referee

The good  Husband,  the  misunderstood  Son

Life has given me so  much ..it has given me a good ,very good husband……a matter-of-factly son!!! And  life is a roller coaster  ride!!

Every time we talk I feel I will be a referee any second now!! The husband feels deeply, plays and loves passionately, the son ,  sees objectively and says things coldly…

Intense feelings  compared  to objectivity….so near  and yet  just as opposite…I am caught between   …trapped with my roles as wife and mommy!

Cannot  openly side with anybody and yet cannot remain neutral  long enough to diffuse the tension……..two mountains both  trying to head butt each other…I am caught in a crossfire … 

He is a conservative , old schooled dad…. He , a cool dude in a hurry to grow up yet still my baby J I am the mommy after all. 

He spoils the boy  expecting that his control over  the “kid” is airtight…  he takes advantage of the Dad and gets what he wants and expresses no  gratitude but the occasional kisses and hugs when he gets  what he want!

The n he gets angry , the other guy ?  he gets confused why his dad is angry! And I am caught in between , I can not breath  ……..i scream ..i cry…I curse…I die..or shall I say , I almost  always die every time!!!

Well , life gets interesting everyday,  tonight I am the telephone operator at the end of two lines.. o more aptly a translator lost in translation!! Caught again in between their own  issues…….their issues makes all my issues come to surface and life goes on….. an emotional tumble….but life goes on and I survive to referee for another day! Such  are the roles I juggle every day…but wait, , that’s not all…wait till you hear about my daughter!

Well, maybe next time……meanwhile I will have fun with the husband!!!

Treasures…of the material kind

Each of us dreams of making it big someday not only because of the honor but I think because of the economic benefit

It will accord to anybody becoming successful. Of course people will tell you , that success not only means you have money

and that having money does not mean you are already successful.

But one of the measures of being successful is by having money and no matter how some people tell you it is not, I guess

our culture, or the culture I have been bought up equates money with success. And I do not blame them.

Money will buy you things, materials things that we so desire , that we have dreamt of having for ourselves, of buying for

our parents, kids , brothers or even friends. I am not sure if it can buy happiness but to a certain level, maybe it can, no

matter how fleeting that happiness is.

Money will buy me the jewelries I love, money will afford me the travels I can only dream of…..it will bring me to different places

to meet and form new friendships .  Financial freedom to a certain extent will give us the peace of mind that when something

goes wrong , our pockets have enough to meet the day to day needs of our family and maybe some of the wants of the children.

That when our health fails us, we have something to pay for our medical expenses or maybe for our funeral expenses, that our

Families will not be so much as hard put if we don’t have the money.

In reality financial freedom takes a lot of burden away from our lives. And  not being saddled with financial burdens is a form

of success.  Money whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not makes our relationships so much easier to handle!

It is nice not having to worry where your next meal is coming from or whether your kids will continue to go to school next sem.

It is nice to have the real bling bling, the real designer bags…it is so much nicer if we can once in a while give our family the

“wants” that they may have without having to borrow, steal or pretend. These in a way improve the quality of our lives, money  

takes away so much pressure in our daily lives.

This is not to say though that money is everything because it is not. Money is our tool , we use money to improve our lives and

the lives of people around us. This is where  the difference lies …..when people forget how to use the material treasures given

to them. When they use money to make the lives of people miserable, then money does not equate success…..and it no longer

qualifies as a treasure.

So who says that those who have money are not successful? I don’t because they are  ! Happiness, on the other hand  is

an all together different matter!

Waiting

Waiting….

Have you ever computed the time , the hours you have spent waiting for someone, something to arrive?

In retrospect, have you ever seen or felt how long you have waited for something to happen the way we

want them to?  I have never ! But come to think of it, each day , waiting is an integral part of our

everyday living? Who has not waited one way or another? Who has not stood waiting , as if having

all the time in the world?

waiting…waiting…waiting and yet time is gold we have been told? So if time is gold, why do we wait?

why do we pause , wait and stand still for somebody, something , some dream?

Our Snowie..

It saddens me that I am writing this piece for our Snowie...Snowie is our beloved dog!!! Our Baby ...our  bunso and our favourite...

He is the favorite of all and nobody gets jealous , not at all, when we all say that he is our favourite!!! because He is!

Snowie is Kiko's pet, a gift from a family friend (from whom we have  parted ways since)   when Kiko celebrated his 7th Bday!  The giver has since vanished from our lives but Snowie remained a part of the family .  Kiko is now 17 years old!

You might be wondering what is making me sad writing this piece.  Lately Snowie has been getting sick  more often. But the problem is that he does not want any vet to touch him! He barks, bites and charges at any vet getting close to him. Good thing we have found several vets who have been good to him .

Snowie's health according to the vet is still very good for his age but he really is now prone to diseases because of his age. We miss the Snowie who can jump high , now we have to carry him so he can lay in our bed. These days he limps  and just sleeps all day ! His vet has visited him several times and does not want to sedate to vaccinate , groom him since he is quite old now.

Now only Kiko can give him a bath .....he takes his bath once a week usually on Sundays when Kiko is at home....

We love our Snowie ,  we have been told that we have spoiled him ! But he has been our joy ...yes he sleep with the either Nikita or Kiko's room , on their bed . He shuttles from room to room , he will sleep in Nikita's room when he wants to or inside Kiko's room any night he wants to... he will wake p in the middle of the night and go to to the next room and the teens would gladly open the door, no matter they are sleeping!!!

And now Snowie no longer eats dog food! Manang cooks for him adobo, liver, liempo , he is allergic to hotdogs and chicken.....

Snowie is such a sweet dog, the first few weeks after Kiko left to live in his dorm , we saw him every night for a week or so , sleeping on Kiko's bed...he missed Kiko  so much that every night he enters his room and seemingly waits for Kiko. Then he would knock either on our door or Nikita's!!! He seemed depressed, he was lonely! Now when Kiko is at home, he stays with Kiko , following him around the house ..

I am saddened because I feel Snowie has weakened considerably.....the spunk is fading...no longer does he bark and charges except when a vet is near......I remember the fierce Snowie who will bite anybody even Tops when one enters Kiko or Nikita's room when they are asleep...... he growls still but is no longer quick to charge or bite....oh but he still bites if provoked enough .....but it takes a lot from him...makes him so tired afterwards.

And oh yes, he snores loudly now, he makes whizzing sounds and just sleep almost all day.....he is beside me now while Tops gets his massage..sleeping soundly...today Kiko left early and was not able to bathe him ......

I am afraid that Snowie will not be with us long....makes me cry ..tomorrow the vet will check him , he has some wounds on his feet and a few on his face.......our baby has grown old.... but he is our baby... we hope to have him with us a few more years ....if we can borrow the years to have our baby with us longer, I think I would but not if he is in pain......

When the time comes to say goodbye to our Baby ..........he will be wagging is tail and nozzling our faces.....but for now we are enjoying our borrowed time with him.....and hoping that time will not come soon.....

We love our Snowie so...

Of Husbands......of marriage...of children

Life gives us surprises , pleasant and unpleasant! Finding someone to share one's life is one of the surprises rather wishes everybody prays for.... And finding that one is not easy , more so finding someone who treats you well, loves you , takes care of you and generally wants to make you happy!

Husbands are a blessing! They should be ! But what if you find that someone and finds out that he is not a blessing? He might be that someone  and yet he is not good to you, not good for you? And how do you know?  How does one know if he will be good to you , if he will love you , maybe not forever , but as long as he is with you?

I have been married for 20 years, happily married and everyday I thank the LORD for this blessing, for the blessing of a husband who has treated me well, maybe more than I deserve to be treated ! I am one of those "spoiled" wives, whose husband  is so patient , so thoughtful and kind.

I am one of those women who is really hard to live with! I have mood swings, I am proud and just hard to be with! I have my faults but he has put up with me for 20 years! But of course I also have my endearing moments !

The journey of our lives together has been wonderful! Full of moments that we will cherished for a longggggggg longggggg time.  Of course not all are happy , there are so much difficulties but knowing you have a partner who has committed to walk that difficult path with you helps. Lucky me, I have found him.....

Our marriage have been an exhilarating ride , with its ups and downs and plateaus ! But life has been kind and generous to us! Our kids err teens are growing up fast and we are probably on our way to that empty nest level and looking forward to having each other for ourselves again! Having teens are both a blessing and a boon but our kids have been a blessing also and though no matter how much we want our kids to stay as kids, time flies soon enough and we have accepted the fact that they are not here to stay . They will find their own world, their own families .....and we shall be looking forward to having our weekends with them and our weekdays on our own. But for now that has not come yet and we relish our moments together!

Marriage is not a walk in the park , it requires hard work, love, patience and commitment ! We have found that commitment has carried our marriage so many times. I can not recall how many times I have given up but his steadfast commitment to this marriage has seen us through.  Of course commitment comes from a deep love, shared faith on the Almighty ! We may not be church going people but our faith is steady ! In times of deep joy and deep sorrow, the LORD occupies the central place in this partnership!!

Being married has given us so much joy, so much to be thankful for.....and we are creating memories to last our lifetime..... My prayer is that the memories, the love we share today continue on as we grow old  and may we grow old together!!!! In the meantime, I thank the universe for the blessing of a wonderful husband, a wonderful life , an awesome daughter and son ( and mind you raising children to kids to teens is no small feat) and for the life to come and to share some more!!!

The Vanishing Breed of Pandesal Vendors

The Vanishing Breed of Pandesal Vendors

They used to wake me up  so early in the morning, that all too familiar sound ! They used to go around the streets, our house ,either by bike or just by walking carrying their box , carboard box we call them. .containing the  still hot pandesal they are selling! I marble how they kept them hot and fresh while going around the town?

Early morning without fail, they wake me up, pandeeeeeeeeeeesssssssalllll! Those were the days of the box carrying pandesal vendors back in the province … And then some when I married and settled in Cavite. We call them out to  buy  10 peso worth of pandesal off the street, wrapped in brown home made paper called… hmm I cannot remember  supot?…. But  now, this breed is slowly vanishing, seldom do I get ‘wakened  by that not so familiar sound  anymore, not anymore. Once in a while if I get lucky, I hear them , I hear the sound. See a face of a young , very young man selling pandesal very early in the morning, eking out a living in such a young age…but also carving a character that will serve him well when he grows up.

I wonder if I contributed to this breed’s  vanishing ….modernization , albeit advertising  has turned us into phobic creatures.  The box maybe be dirty and contaminated  , the vendor maybe sick. So I started buying  our pandesal  from “branded” shops , where there is quality control and the whole bunch of what have you! Well, yes, we, I have  become paranoid, obsessive even, especially about what my kids will be eating…. Well , maybe this is the price we pay for the overrated modernization….sophistication…Or maybe information! 

During the height of the days of the pandesal vendors, I did not think that the pandesal I eat every morning is dirty nor the vendors sick….. or maybe I was just naïve and un informed….ha ha ha and lucky I did not get sick!

But I miss those days, when I could not care less about dirty pandesal , sick vendors……I think this comes with age, ha ha ha and may be  because these days I am more aware, more conscious of my suroundings because I have the time….I am on a leave of absence under the Magna Carta for Women!! So this is a paid leave, ha ha ha…..

And I wonder some more…where are the then  young pandesal vendors now?

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Wingdings

Hello there Stranger? It has been how many months since I visited? Well , fours months or so?

What happened? Well, life happened, busy and lazy life happened! The news that the museum is closing (which by the way until now , has not happened) , my operation (total hysterectomy) and hospital confinement and my subsequent Magna Carta leave for women! Meaning I am on a leave of absence for 2 months ! Paid leave! Wow! And  did not get the chance to write? A bigger wow!!! Then the leaving of my son to study in Ateneo and living in a dorm !  So much have happened and yet!!!

First of all , I was so frustrated, I had the chance to write several which I lost when my connection got cut off without having uploaded the same! A few works lost , hu hu hu! Then another was lost when we changed our broadband provider , from PLDTs We Roam to Globe Tattoo! wow, what a piece of expensive useless thing , that Globe Tattoo! Until now we can not use it and Globe would not change it We paid P3,995 for that @?&*!!!! Then to Skycable Wi-Fi! Beautiful!!! Then when I have the connection and remembered I have a laptop, the laptop wont work! And I had to content myself with using my mobile phone with its so tiny tiny keyboard ha ha ha!!!

The more than 1 month rests was a haze, I am only now realizing that I have practically wasted more than a month of my leave watching TV, eating , sleeping! Whoa but I supposed that was exactly I what  had to do, rest!!! And not think?  Well, the 2 months is almost up, I will soon be back at the Office and I feel the 2 months have been wasted ..though according to my husband and my doctor, those days were not wasted since I got to rest! Well , that has been my life for almost 2 months!!!  RESTING!!! and now I have mixed feelings, during those days of resting I was bored to death and now I seem to be torn ! Half wanting to go back and half wanting to rest some more!!! Or maybe this is also fear, fear that  I am not ready again ? Fear of not being capable again?

But I need to feel useful again !oh, oh oh, no I need to feel more productive again, earning my keep, waking up early to prepare to go the office and just being abreast with what is happening in the company!!!

Life has been kind and generous with me  and I am sure I am being blessed right now and through out my life will all the things I need and want ! Maybe I am just craving for some adventure , some excitement !!!! This might explain these mixed feelings!!!!! I just might need to get back to the saddle and enjoy the ride!!!

Come ride with me and let us live our lives to the fullest ! Let us discover another world, another dimension of ourselves and get to another level of happiness and satisfaction!!! Let us FLY, errr , let us SOAR!!!

Spread our wings!!!!!

Sigghhhh, check out my mood swings, ha ha ha and maybe  this is just my hormones or the lack of it!!!

Lakbay Angono

Lone Wolf

I am a lone wolf, I prowl the night alone
I seek destiny on my own
I hug the trees and the forest and
Dream my dreams all by my lonesome self

I AM a LONE WOLF!

Museums...museums...museum....

Sometimes  we love our work so much it becomes a source of joy (maybe most of the time) , it becomes play, just like the work I do at the museum....i love the work, i love the place, the museum ! the place gives me some kind of refuge, some kind of peace..and I know most of our visitors derive some joy , some fun from the museum!

To me the  walls whisper, the paintings speak to you, they tell a thousand joys, a thousand sorrows. They beckon one to listen to tales of a hundred years, they open your eyes to your heritage, to the heritage your country and the all our heroes , known and unknown have  bequeath to me, to us! they encourage us to embrace our culture and make us feel and see who we are and make us love ourselves, our culture , our heritage ,our country more...these work of arts stir something inside us.......they tell us the stories of struggles and victories...capturing moments, a moment ......Yes, moments...let this moment be the moment, let this time be the time....the time to open more museums and fill them with artworks that will remind us who we are as a person, as a people!  Let us open  museums, not close them up!!!

Hallowed to Hollowed

...another inevitable?

I am again at a crossroads? I again about to cross another bridge.....the Museo  might soon be closing and from the looks of it...it is inevitable ...again!

I will be going another path?  I am sad, I am afraid but mostly sad..I feel that I have finally found a home, somewhere my heart and soul can sing...somewhere where work is fun , fulfilling and I am in my element...somewhere where I had hoped I will stay for a loooooooong loooooong time ....and yet seemingly i am  just transitioning ......and what a transition!

Melancholy .....a deep deep sadness ...I am leaving a place where I have been for such a short time , but the deep deep sadness  I have belies this...In such a short time, I have found my home, a place where I am comfortable, a place where I work and yet it is also the place I celebrate my being, my soul , my culture, the real me, the me I want...the museum has become my refuge...i am surrounded by my culture, surrounded by the arts , embraced by my heritage ....

i take long walks around the garden of artists, when flowers bloom all year long, the stream an endless song of nature and the light so warm.........the place feeds not only the physical, it feeds the soul ....

This is an intersection of lives, we meet friends , potential friends and just people who are hungry for the cultured life...for a life where our  souls can sing ......... the halls and corridors whisper peace ......they bring a certain peace, a certain enlightenment... the walls have their own stories and the at works bring you to another place, another time and yet you are transfixed !!! this is art, this is culture , this is life ....... real life with real people passing through  ......after all art is not for the rich alone, our lives are our art and my life has become a pat of the art , museum art....

It is where I am as comfortable as I am when I am at home...it is my second home almost my home...but for a short while.....the hallowed walls might soon become hollowed...when the paintings, tapestries , sculptures shall have been removed, nay stripped from the walls , from the nooks , from the corners ...... and i am again removed devoid of the roots that have gown deep......in such a short time, i have taken roots here in the museum and now these roots are to be torn again.........i wonder where I shall have roots again...........life is a journey...it would have been nicer if I can stay a little longer embraced by my heritage....

Our Heritage

.....our heritage, our inheritance.....our way of life...our life...

So who's responsibility is it? When our heritage is our inheritance ? Does that responsibility rest on some person, some entity by virtue of a law? When you have the capacity to preserve, protect that inheritance, that way of life, that culture, that heritage , would not not take on that responsibility, that challenge, just because  the law says that the responsibility rests on the shoulder of another entity?

Would you give up that opportunity to be of service to your country, to your constituents, to the stake holders, to the next generation because the perception is that it is not your responsibility, it is somebody else's? That you turn a blind eye because it is somebody else's duty and not yours? You turn your back on your culture because you found an excuse? You end a chapter just because some law says it it beyond your jurisdiction?  But what is beyond one's jurisdiction if it is about culture, about the way of life , about your inheritance, are there no more sacred thing that one may turn its back to a duty that each citizen, each Filipino is morally bound to do?   In fact, it behooves us .....

What does it take away from you if you do help out in protecting cultural treasures, our heritage ? The protection is for the next generation , for them to be able to enjoy though work of arts the experience that their forefathers were able to experience and which they may no longer experience? To see through the eyes of the artist? To feel what it feels in the olden times, in certain situation, moments that the artist have tried to preserve? Does it take away something from one ?

What drives one's decision regarding culture/ Can we honestly say that it is not our responsibility to protect culture, the arts when we ourselves  can appreciate it? When we surround ourselves with the work of arts , can we say it is not ours to protect? Is one being selfish when one enjoys all these and yet would not care if others  won't be able to?

Can we wash our hands because of a law? Can we turn our backs because we can? Because we found an excuse not to care? Is it not selfish if we enjoy these things and yet deprive others the joy that art brings?

Can we pass on the responsibility to another entity because we can; because of the perceived legality of being able to?

Would one rather not keep something valuable close and nearby? Are we  not better off if our investments and cultural treasures are in our custody and  being enjoyed by all?


Have we become so calloused that we close our eyes to the fact that others need art and culture in their life just like you do?

What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that others can appreciate arts too?

Can we just close our eyes to the fact that  people, students, members benefit from this culture, from this heritage?

Composing a Life

How does one compose a life? Do we compose our lives the way we do our essays. our memos? How do we compose our memos/ we think of technical, not so personal and business like terms? How about our essays?

Do we follow an outline, then fill out the body ? How do we then?

Do we add things , feelings, places , our experiences when we write  our lives? Do we plan so well ahead the moments and episodes we want to live? Can we actually compose our lives so that when we look back we can see the future we once dreamed of?

I guess we can steer our lives in the direction we want to go to, we can achieve the dreams and make them a reality . Maybe luck plays a prat in our lives but so does hard work ,perseverance and all the attitudes that make us who we are! People around us, those who give us a break and those who pull us down. Our lives are compose of all these and more. Karma , what goes around comes around. What we send forth the universe comes back to haunt or help us....such is life....

Let us live to the fullest, let us compose our lives the way we want to..not by the guidelines and limitations people around us may expect ..let us live and compose our lives being a blessing to ourselves and to others....

We compose our lives facing  the cards dealt to us with an attitude of gratitude We become sweet instead of bitter with the life  we live and the choices we made..let us be thankful, after all , those are our choices, our decisions ..no one , nothing to blame them on....

Lives are meant to be lived , lived to the fullest and dreams ? Well, nothing can top the feeling of a dream coming true but let us not  beat ourselves if our dreams do not come true...let us trust the universe that it has a better  plan for us, one better suited to our needs, to our wants..we trust our instincts , we trust the world around us and believe  ! Believe and forgive!!!

Hey life is a dream, let us wake up believing !!

Later ,Mom!

What if you were talking to your 16 yer old son about his plans for his college education ;and that he needs to do  to go to the school of his second choice?  ( he used to like another school in which  he also passed the entrance exams).

Asking him why the sudden change and if he knows that the fees in the school is almost double the fee in the school of his first choice? And that if he wants to go to that school, he needs to find a scholarship, even a partial one and he needs to find one fast! And the only thing you get is, can we talk about this later, Mom? And proceeds to watch "the big bang theory" show? what would you have done? What would you have not done?

Me? I shouted on top of my voice and told him to leave my room!!! Gosh, children !!! oh, I am so sorry, TEENS!!!!!

But the story does not end at that. He left the room without saying anything then just as he was about to close the door to my room , he said "oh wait a minute, I need you to sign this reply slip" My gosh, how do you react?

Me ? I signed the reply slip and collapsed on my bed!!! Darn!!!!

One Item in my Bucket List

Well, i have a secret bucket list, ha ha ha, I have it in my heart and in my future..... I have yet to write it on a piece of paper and shove it somewhere in my  vault of wishes...but I have one....and one item on it is to live in a Villa in Tuscany ,Italy...how crazy is this dream? Far fetched, oh no, not for me.... at least not when you based it to where I have been , to what i have been given in life, maybe not in terms of "millions" or in pesos...but I have been around 2 continents by sheer luck, determination , dream and just faith! So I am looking forward to a future, a near future , living in a villa in Tuscany!!!

And what am I doing to prepare for it? By watching anything Italian. I watched Sofia Loren's "My House is full of Mirrors, part 1 and part 2..I am a fan of the 2 Greedy Italians, this is a show about the travels , the feasts of 2 Italian friends going around , where else , but  Italy!!! Viva Italia!1Ha ha ha!!! I watch the cooking show of Giada De Laurentis and how i love the Italian way of life!!!Natural, fresh ingredients and really really simple way of cooking  and who can resist the beautiful country side!!!  Bellissima! I hope i got the spelling right ! I am sure I am in love with the laid back life, the gusto they show for their life! The food, the wine , the bread, i eat them ...almost every week!!! After all i am a fan of italianni's.   I even try my best to get the accent...i feel it in my bones, my living in Tuscany , in a villa with lavender fields as  my backyard! The wine vineyard as my front yard and just walking and smelling the lovely lovely lavender and olive trees around me!! I can not think of any , more effective ways for the universe not to give in to my dream and give me my one item in my bucket list.....than living the life , breathing the life under the Tuscan sun!!

My walls are even decorated with things of Europe, well, of course if I am living in Tuscany, it would be very easy to go to Paris, gay Pareeee!!  So on the walls of our room, I have the Eiffel Tower, the Church whose name I can not pronounce, much less spell!! ha ha ha...but  I feel it...I am on my way to living a life in a villa in Tuscany.....I have sent my wishes to the Universe...I have sent it though the winds , though the breeze, though the moon light shining above........I can already smell it.....feel the cold wind and hot sun of Tuscany!!!

And in the meantime that I am waiting for the Universe to grant my wishes, I will watch Mamma Mia!!! Feb. 9, 2012......and i will tell you all about it!!!!My , I am one step closer to my villa in Tuscany!!!

Now how can you not love this life I live!!!!

Early Onset of the " Empty Nest Feeling"

I am turning 45 this May , and what better age can I be in? No better age than 45! My  GSIS policy will be maturing though I have converted to LEP a few years ago and thus I am not expecting a bonanza of maturity money! But I am feel I am in another level , another page of my life? My marriage is great , the kids are slowly composing their lives, getting more independent each day and Tops and I are feeling  a little left out.

I used to say that the years fly really fast and that my kids will be adults soon and now that they are on their way    to adulthood, it seems that we are the ones not prepared! And all our married life we, at least I thought , that I am looking forward to my kids growing up, having my independence again and living our lives for us again! Then guess what? That level is coming soon and though I am enjoying my "alone" walks , well, I miss the days when I can take my kids anywhere I go, dress them with whatever I want to dress them with (though this is not  saying the 2 teens have always been easy to handle) !  Well, this is maybe the mommy in me talking. When the mommy no longer has a good grip in the "control" department, i think feeling like this is soooo natural for parents!1Ha ha ha . It feels one is loosing one's kids but in reality the teens are just spreading their wings, trying new things and really , really deciding for themselves!! I am  realizing only now  that this independence is the very thing I have tried and tried teaching my kids when they were so much younger and now that they are showing that they learned it well, I am feeling kinda left out, we are feeling kinda left out....Parents!!!

but you know what, modern technology, new things and a changed perspective on things, on what people value, on how people look a things nowadays have made it more difficult for parents to raise kids and probably more difficult for kids and teens to grow up normally ( whoa, normal as in my personal standards and might definitely be very different with  my teens' take on normal ha ha ha) and with less difficulty . And yet when they are on their way to growing up and living a life of their choice, the mommy in me is uncomfortable, maybe even insecure!!! These feelings have lead me to ask myself, is this some sort of early onset of empty nest syndrome ?Bah!!!! Trouble with parents is we cannot wait for our kids to grow up when they are little and yet when they really do grow up, we long for those days that we can freely kiss them and hug them in front of everybody!!!

And who is to say that we are ready to let our teens decide for themselves? Most of the times I really need to bite my lips to control myself from being controlling and tying to make my teens live the life I want them to live. It is really so had to standby and let them live their lives the way they want to live it!!  And no matter how i trust my kids,     no matter how clear their  future seems to be , the mommy in me cannot help myself!!! that's the mommy in me, wait till you see the daddy in my husband!!

but I am sooo thankful to my teens, and though we do not always see eye to eye, in fact we seem to be always arguing ( me I shout as only a mommy can har har har ha :))   and being petty I am proud of them, proud of the fact that they  have given me a full life, they have given me lessons I would have never learnt on my own and for the memories and feelings I  have and will always have in my life!!

Times will be flying so fast , in a few years Tops and I will have the house all to ourselves again!!! In the meantime, I have to live with this teenage boy who has to be told to take a bath and to stay and  sleep in his own room and this young lady who has to be reminded that partying is not her whole life and having designer jeans, designer shoes, designer everything is   the end all and be all of  being a young lady!!!

Moments

January 22, 2012

It’s Sunday  “ME” time…enjoying my being alone at the house with only Snowie, the dog  at my side..

Got to take a look at my activities  yesterday…my first Saturday duty at the Museum…and I loved every minute of it. I am at my feet for the most part of the day…I get to talk to people, share my very tiny bit knowledge on the history of the Philippines , at least those associated with the Parisian Life..Parisina Life is the paining of Juan Luna…. And I am getting to be more active…I go around the museum with the visitors, share a little about the work of arts  and walk back and forth, up and down the museum galleries!!! Perfect!!

Now, more than ever I am appreciating my being with the Museum …it is a decision I am not regretting…tomorrow or October 2012 will take care of itself…in the meantime I am enjoying myself with my Museum work…the things I am learning and trying to learn and unlearn….

I guess, this is the benefit of a choice you yourself made, a decision to choose what will make me happy…by going with my instincts , using my knowledge of who I am, I am happy , happier I think with my work life….

Of course this is not to say I am now an expert about  my job, I am still learning, struggling but I am happy and my happiness doing my job more than makes up for the struggle I am undergoing…..I am learning to read again!!!

I am in touch with my creative , writing me….I am nervous but full of anticipation for my new job….I am again in touch with people, talking to them , feeling so fulfilled when people appreciate our culture, the arts and what little knowledge I can share….  

It still surprises me that people are so very appreciative, I am only doing my job, or so I thought ,but people like Tito and his mom, our visitors at the GSIS Museum , really made my day….so appreciative , so hungry to know more about our culture, our history and telling to your face, you are doing the country good..how nice is that?

This job, this too is service. Service to our members and to our people…. and no matter what happens come October 2012, I am happy and enjoying the moments!!

Love the life you live!!