Busted!!!

I guess once in a while ,everybody needs to rest, get away from it all. Work, family , friends  and be by oneself! I feel it, do you?

I have my off days , days when I am so lazy to work , to even think . when I just want to stay in bed, drink and blank my mind of everything?

To be by myself  and nobody else…. In this age of  tweets ,and fb,  is this still possible to crawl inside my shell ? well you do not know what a locked room and air-conditioning can do….turn on the air-con, draw the black out curtains and lock the door…..

 

All by my glorious, 'have not taken a bath-self'…. Aching body, “does not want to think-mind” and what have you? Growling stomach? Well my head is spinning and my body is aching , not the all by myself day I imagined…

Seems my body just gave me the reason to be away from my work…and  trump my diabolical plan and I was thinking this day I would be feigning sickness  , not going to the office to watch TV , eat , maybe go to the mall later and just get away from it all.

Now I am in my airconditioned  room , saddled in my bed because this body is aching so much I can not even scratch myself!!!!! Talk about  getting away from  the maddening crowd for  a day…….

Well so much for a day of  watching tv, eating and going to the mall!!! Busted !!!

Melancholic Episode

I often wonder  where has life taken me? Where will it take me in the future? What has happened to me?

I sometimes compare my life  with my friends, childhood friends who have gone on  living in my hometown, to those who have gone to the big cities .

I compare my life situation with my other set of friends from college to my friends from exchange programs , those who have built bigger names , richer finances,  better situations and maybe a more sophisticated and more complex lives?

How do I fare?

I have always believe that life has been so generous and kind to me, having experience life abroad, having an international set of friends , a wonderful husband and two adult children who I am proud of…..I have a good job that provides me with  all the things I need, maybe not all the things I want …a husband who works hard to give me the things I want … I am contented , in a way , to be able to send my kids to excellent schools here in the Philippines and give them a semblance of  a comfortable life…yes, our life is comfortable ,we are able to buy some of the things we want and buy all the things we need. We are not rich but somehow we are able to attain that level of contentment, that level of living a good life, financially and emotionally….at least as far as my standards are concerned…..

But lately , I must admit that discontent has slowly crept in……I am still thankful for  all the things I have , but I crave for more , more then I usually do….I am afraid that my comparison with my friends are taking me to a dangerous road…..to a road tethering on being bitter for  the things I no longer have …? I am afraid  ….afraid and envious for the things I am not able to do,  do reach ….

My life circumstances has changed a bit, such a small change to cause such a big insecurity….I ought to consider this change a wee bit of a little step backward , but I am feeling  so much more afraid than I should be…….

Do I over think? Over anticipate as my son would say? Where is this fear coming from?

I suspect I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis…changes are overwhelming me, my sense of stability, my sense of being me….maybe I am just having a moment…? perhaps being afraid is just normal  at this stage.. perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me and my hormones are kicking in those blues …..

But  all is well, all is restored when I realize ….

 

My father in heaven is much much more sufficient , I have long anchored my sense of stability in HIM, HIM who watches  over me….

Oooppsss, seems  my “melancholic episode” has passed  J