Feelings...Roller coaster Ride...

So today the fate I waited for how many months is in...I have learned that I am or will be with the GLO or GSIS Legal Office.  I am floating , floating with different feelins..I  have yet to finish mourning the loss of our department , the pressure of rushing a letter to the Chairman  of the CMC when I learned I have been bumped off from the Museum and yet there is hope since the person who was slotted to the Museum declined it. And the silver lining I am hoping to see after I submitted the letter and emailed people rallying to my side...and now comes the news that I am , after all , with the GLO. 

I have said this time and again , made known to the executives how grateful i am to Atty. Dodgie and Leony for saving my sanity when I needed it , when they offered me a position at the GLO.  However, there comes a time that a person need to decide and chose where her heart is....I was also offered a position at the Museum that suddenly became vacant and I had to decide..Certianly a  woman has the right to change her mind :).....and changed my mind I did.....talked to all concern giving up my slot int he GLO, thinking it was the right thing to do!! Right thing to do since the position becomes vacant and that it can be given to another person who might be swimming in the pool and embracing and getting ready to face life with the museum.. or so i thought....and yet after all is said and done , i am left with a bag full of uncertainty.

You see when I backed out from the GLO, i know I will be offending maybe "burning the bridge" since I am guilty of changing my mind and accepting another position. Thought all along when I was no longer included in the GLO orientation , i thought everything has been settled.. How wrong  was I....There is an uneasy feeling  since am back with the GLO. I just hope I will find my footing when the time comes that I need to join them and I hope they find it in their hearts to at least understand that it was not betrayal, it was not a personal offense when I tried , tried my best to get out of that committment.... I can work and I will work hard, but i am really sorry to be sayng this and yet this is what I feel.....I will be applying again ......my heart is not with GLO, flexibilty as the PGM said it, but flexibility is only expected from us and from people who have nobody to turn to, nobody  powerful to take the cudgels for them.....i hate saying this and yet this is how i feel....those who have somebody to protect them got what they wanted and more , those who don't are asked to be flexible,,,there is hope still .......but it really saddens me that these is what has become of all the hopes and expectations I have had from those who I thought will be bringing in a whole new perspective and a whole new way of being, of doing.....of course as they said, it is not yet final......tomorrow is another day.....the sun will be shining , miracles are waitng to happen ...i am still waiting for another miracle for me....pray with me.....

Then another ride....this afternoon a check worth 1k dollars was delivered to me!! my pocket money for the 23rd World Solar Car race courtesy of Vince Perez..what a generous man!!! This is of course part of my prize for winning the Sikat II Donor Challenge conducted by the World Wild Life fund for Nature (WWF) , the PANDA family!!! I also got a new bag, a bigger PANDA bag and several shirts to tide me over my trip to the outback!!!

i am exhausted.........dizzy , fearful, excited , looking forward to the trip of a lifetime and yet apprehensive for what awaits me after my trip............share my ride!!