Readiness

In my almost  45 years, i have lost friends, gained friends and even probably had friendships that had suddenly gone sour or gone cold. Had my share of friendships not being there anymore and friendship I was able to salvage and friendship that somehow took a detour and now we are heading and  running in the same highway again...continuing with the friendship...in the process I lost some friends and earned more friends who are still with me ....hopefully in the many years to come!

As an adult , I either accepted it, done something about it or just waited for the right time to probably mend it or totally burn the bridge.  I have a very cherished friend, a great friendship but  for some reason, it has gone cold....gone cold for 15 years ?  I am not very sure how it happened but I had my suspicions and maybe to me it was not that big a deal at that time and i did not so much thought of it and let the years take its toll with the friendship. We did not even talk after the incident I am suspecting is the cause of this "friendship gone cold". The years rolled by, and I miss my friend but  our ways have been separated for so long and try as I may, I have no news as to what has become of her , our friendship  cold and on hold, but not forgotten..

Not forgotten, in fact, I have thought of my friend so many times and wondered where she is and what has happened to her and how her family has been  and yet that's all I did wondered..until Facebook...

I spent many hours searching FB , hoping her name will pop out, but there were so many with her name and not her face..I can not find her not even in FB and even in the internet....it seemed she has dropped off the face of the earth , there were leads but no , not her.. So I looked for the next best thing, I looked for her other half and I got it...I messaged the husband and told him...well he confirmed that i am a friend and told me how to get in touch with her....I tried it but no reply..I tried it a second time and nothing....so I reckon she is not ready yet... Again I let the months and maybe a yet roll by.....I do not want to try a third time, maybe her kid did not tell her, maybe her kid told her , but it was a decision she does not  yet want to make or maybe she has made a decision ...that is not to respond and continue not being friends for the meantime (?) or until that the time she can decide we will still be friends or we can no longer be friends...

So how long has it been after my second message in her kid's mailbox in FB, I don't know, I can not remember! Maybe for a while I have forgotten about this lost friendship or chose not to remember for the meantime , afraid to hurt because of the rejection....


Until this afternoon .....I saw my friend who has not responded to my reaching out to her, oh yes, I am not mistaken it was her , I was at MOA this afternoon and has just left "Our Home" at the second floor and there she is , fully made up , looking fabulous and looking  just like herself!  I was tempted to run to her and greet her, but suddenly it dawned on me, she is not yet ready , to my mind she is not yet ready  since I got no response , her husband has most likely told her that he confirmed me as a friend in FB so she is not yet ready...so sad as I am and really frustrated, i looked the other way and headed out....  I can not help feel so sad, it was an opportunity to reach out  and continue our friendship but my fear of being rejected prevailed..rejected because she may not be ready  or maybe I am the one not ready this time, not ready to be rejected or not ready to be accepted....once again I can not help but feel I let go of an opportunity to reconnect.... well that's life...we live another day to live, love and laugh and maybe continue our friendships!!

Until then .....my friend!