Sun Trekker: Selective Kindness ....Wickedness

Sun Trekker: Selective Kindness ....Wickedness: You know it is not about you? Do you Well, I don’t. I mope around , feeling rejected, feeling isolated and feeling unwanted. Why are pe...

Selective Kindness ....Wickedness

You know it is not about you? Do you Well, I don’t. I mope around , feeling rejected, feeling isolated and feeling unwanted.

Why are people mean? Why do people become mean? Is it out of bitterness?

I have seen people who use to be good , who use to be considerate, who use to be true ..people who used to be fair become puppets on strings ….just going around with the flow , just letting people manipulate them? Being like the Queenbee ,the meany Why ?because they become hostages of some kind of power ? Do they get used to being mean by being with people who can make them mean because she hold the purse strings?

Do people become mean or it is the true colors shining through when they get the chance ? When being mean is supported by a few or maybe more?

Is this even true ? That people are really mean , they hide it but when being mean is accepted, they show their true colors?

Do we ask ourselves why people get isolated? Is this their choice? It is easy to see if isolation is a choice but what if isolation is an imposed sanction, sanction to those wo are different from them  , different according to their perception….colored by some kind of bias, trauma, upbringing, bitterness, insecurity, jealousy or just plain “I don’t like you” syndrome?

What brings about this “I don’t like you syndrome”….are you obnoxious? Are you boastful ?are you mean and unfriendly and inconsiderate , are you an abomination , deserving to be isolated? Do you have an attitude so bad that you are not liked, not respected?  Is it really about you?  In more instances than not, no, it is about them..but how do you know…how do you fight this isolation ,how do you stand firm, stand smiling and being happy when your spirit feels crushed…… when your heart is broken ,when you question how is it I am not liked, not respected ..why is their perception of you like that or is it your perception…..you know you  try to be fair, friendly , you get on their jokes and idiosyncrasies  and yet they won’t give you the time of day when you    try to be you. You try to be more accepting of their flaws and yet they try not to accept the flaws you have…..

They make the effort not to like you and teaches others to do the same to..all for what?  Wicked….wicked…what else can you say …wickednesss is when you undermine somebody for whatever reason..you undermine somebody when you do not like her to shine and succeed…when you put hindrances on her path …when you make people turn against somebody because you hold the power …but come to think of it, maybe they do not need “turning”. Maybe just like you they are wicked and they found an atmosphere where they can be wicked and they prey on somebody so unlike you, so unlike them that the person becomes an easy target…

Why do people do not like anybody who are unlike them? In this age and time, bigotry is as present as it was 3000 years ago….the only difference is , it is hidden and I hope not flourishing…..

 

But the Lord strengthens those who wait…..and He is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed…

When we hide behind the smiles and yet undermines the people we let that ugly side of humanity wins..we let  bigotry and wickedness become the order of the day….we may be kind to people who are similar to us, kind to people who we like and yet we are mean and wicked with people we do not like ..when we are like that, what then are we, kind ? selectively kind?

Kindness is for everybody, you are not kind if you are kind only to ……and unkind to others?  We justify this, with the thought that we are kind to our families ,we are charitable to them because they are our families , they are our friends and when somebody is not our family, not our friend, not within our inner group, not in our sphere, we can be unkind? We can be wicked?we can be biased? We can be rude, inconsiderate?

If we believe we are kind, let us examine ourselves, let us see to whom are we kind, do we select people we will be kind to?

My hope is that people can be kind , kind to himself, to others to everybody …..let us not measure our kindness against whether they are our friends , they are like us…..try measuring your kindness when dealing with people so unlike you, with people who we do not like …maybe that is real kindness…maybe that is the kindness the world needs now..the kindness that makes  humanity shine through….

Rain ...Rain....

I love the rain…it is raining hard and I am loving it ..i love the feel of  the rain..i love the pitter patter on the roof, the smell of fresh everything after the rain and the sun peeking behind the clouds……

I love how the flowers and the plants seem so alive , fresh and dewy after the rain …I love it when it rains…I can sit on my big chair near the window, seeing droplets of rain ,tons of them …sipping hot chocolate and eating to my heart’s desire….

I love it when I can bathe in the rain..it has been long since I have done this….ages ..maybe another life time ago…but  still remember it, I was pregnant with Kiko and Nikita was just one year old or so…it was in San Juan….yes it seems another life time ago….seemingly I have no care , I was pregnant and I was happy…happy as a child playing in the rain….

I miss those days , when I can play in the rain, with no cares …..

Today I would like to think I am happy still, and maybe I am….however, the rains bring another feeling…..I am still happy to see my old friend ,the rain, but at the back of my mind. I  am bothered…there is this tingling feeling of unease……….the rain is my friend…but it is an impatient rain….unmindful ……

It is raining hard again….I am afraid…the rivers will swell, the waters will rush in, flooding …flooding and bring chaos in the street, in the lives of people….

These days, the rain  wrecks     havoc, with no thought, no concern for the lives it has turned upside down… and yet …

The rain is still my friend….I await the day when I can feel it again in my face……I await my friend knowing fully well ,things may not turn out well …..

But the rain is the rain…its power all its own …….i hope one day others will befriend the rain…again

The joys and Woes of Commuting ..

It  s 6:30 in the morning, rush hour…..from my seat I can see people lined up on the road, no matter how dusty (DPWH is doing its  job)..waiting, straining their necks for jeepneys and buses and commuter vans…it’s the rush hour…people running after any form of transportation!!!..

 

Whew. thankful that I do not need to wait along the road, braving the dust , the rain and jeepneys passing by …Lucky my place is near the terminal of vans and FX  UV Express. I am lucky my husband usually brings or drives me to the office .  And so many friends with cars, pass by my place that if I just stand there early in the morning , somebody is bound to pick me up. So commuting per se is a foreign thing to me.

Well this morning, it is a little different. My husband  cannot bring me to the office, my friends are not going to the office since it’s a Saturday. The service I usually take has already left ! and I am to commute going to the Museum…I know it’s a Saturday and maybe a few thousand people will not be out on the street and yet I asked my husband to get me a cab if there is no FX/Van leaving immediately since I might be late if I wait for the FX to leave. Of course this is half true …I do not want to commute!!! But I am torn since a cab would charge me from 250-300 (with the meter down) plus the toll fee! There is an FX parked and waiting for commuters to fill up the seats. Lucky me! There are only 3 seats left which means we will soon be leaving. But of course , this FX usually take the Baclaran route which will mean I have to get off somewhere near Buendia and take a cab or a jeepney and walk a little farther,  to reach my office. But lucky me, I asked the dispatcher if the Van will take the Macapagal route since I need to get off  somewhere in Macapagal.

Well, you won’t get it if you don’t ask …and I asked and got it. The dispatcher asked the other passengers if anybody is getting off  Baclaran if not Macapagal here we come.!Got it. Nobody is getting off anywhere near Baclaran….

At 7:15 we were already in Macapagal and I asked the driver that I gave 100 and if he has the change for it. He said wait …ok Then we were almost at PNB , I got off, thankful that I would only need to cross to Hobbies of Asia and I will be  at the Office Sweet Office.!!! I got off and readied to cross to Hobbies , which by the way, is a dangerous undertaking. Cars are whizzing pass you and the pedestrian lane is as faded as can be as if there is really no pedestrian lane.. Lucky me, there are a few cars  whizzing pass Macapagal, it is still early . So I did not have any difficulty crossing ! Then boom! I remembered, the driver did not give  me my change!!!! I got charge double the rate of 50 pesos since I gave 100 pesos!!! Sigghhhh….seems all the “conveniences” I got from the dispatcher and the driver have been paid for!!!

Well thank GOD for little mercies, I still save P200 by taking the van and being dropped off at PNB…….!!!

Of shoes...of bags ..of all the material things we Love.....

Of shoes and bags and all material things  we get attached to..I have not been particularly attached to  many of my  material possessions. Maybe with the exemption of  my jewelries and the money  that enables me to  eat anywhere and everywhere and to travel to distant places…ha ha ha ha…at least I thought so  until circumstances  threatened to stop me from acquiring  and doing all those  things… and I  realized I am attached  ,intensely attached  to all those things and more.

I was irritated, impatient and so threatened. I am being eaten  from the inside…so insecure , restless, trying to  be cool but crap, I was  so afraid of being found out that my financial status has somewhat changed and adjustments have to be made with my lifestyle, our lifestyle….what a fake!!

Well I am not the one telling people I am rich .Many assumed that I am because of how we live, eating out, going to places ,posting pictures of travels and acquisitions….and I never corrected them… not at first  since I know  I am rich beyond  compare ,for my father above  gives me the abundance  they see in me… until my husband  retired and  started his own business  and that security was shattered  !wham it went!!!..

Then he asked me to tighten  my belt  a little ..and my savings began dwindling ..and his “sustento” appeared and disappeared ..not  entirely  but… well my world it seemed  to me  was tumbling down ..funny since my kids are  going to very good schools , we can still eat out though seldomly now… funny I am not miserable financially  compared to most of my friends and co-workers  and maybe even to the genral public…hmmm….sigh….

My shoes, the bags , and the jewelries  are not gone, but the buying has stopped , we don’t go out as much to eat , my organic market  trips went from  every Sunday to frequent  to lately –rarely…

But I learned to keep appearances, peppering my dialog with , we all need money which people do not hear from me…but maybe I omitted the fact that his business is not really going great guns at that time.. Silently praying for blessings for material things …. My consolation(s) were , that my husband is one persevering, patient  man, a wonderful husband , hardworking  and very optimistic and resilient and resourceful , never saying die….

Today after almost 2 years  somehow the tide is turning ,  our financial position is better with so many bright spots to look at.. the feelings of security  and confidence is coming back …the confidence and faith  that my father above will provide  and  that he is rich beyond  my imagination , the source of my unending  abundance..slowly slowly but surely I believe, I am believing again (it seems my faith was shaken)  that I am rich  and that my life from now on will be rich and splendid  for the rest of my days!!!!

I am surrounded with that feeling that everything will be alright ..that everything in my world is ok again , shiny and bright … I am ready , ready again to receive all the abundance this universe has to offer, that these abundance is there for the picking …

I declare that happy days are here again ….I wonder, maybe my financial position did not change but my faith was shaken….that maybe the child of GOD in me has forgotten …that the source of my abundance has not changed  but my belief did and I started living as if that abundance has gone…..

Abundance is how you live life..it is the belief that the father above will provide ..my mantra ‘I may not always get what I want, but I will always get what I need”  was left unchanted  until this universe smack me and here I am , filling my life with abundance again !

Thank you LORD for your blessing and for the  abundance of the universe that  is unending that the father above gives us…we just need to trust in his infinite wisdom  and claim all that is ours, the abundance of the father above..

Lately, I have began window shopping again..buying a piece or two, trying on (and never  getting them off) diamond rings !! ha ha ha…

Trust in the LORD and living as HIS child ..is living abundantly!!!

And So We shall Meet Again

At that exact moment  this pawikan or turtle chose to reveal itself to me ..how providential !! At first I thought it was a fisherman, with his head bobbing on the surface of the water and then he was gone.I waited for the man to surface again and yet it did not and so  I asked Manong boatman , I saw a man’s head, maybe it was a fisherman  but where did it go? The boatman did not answer  probably he did not  understand what I said. Then all of a sudden something  appeared on the surface again and I pointed it out, there!! There is the fisherman’s head ,to which the boatman said ":mam that is not a head , it’s a pawikan or turtle!!! " Wow even my teens were so amazed since the turtle was swimming and we were all hoping it would swim by the boat. We watched it swim for a short while and then it disappeared again never to be seen again…well (by us) and somewhere a flying fish flew by ,this time everybody saw it....

Of Consideration and Expectations.....

Consideration…such a short word and so profound  meaning…

I wonder how inconsiderate I have been to people….? No matter how careful I am , I know I have been inconsiderate to some if not all of the people I have been in contact with, in some level , in some instances of our inter action.

Consideration  or “pasintabi” as it is known among oldies, or bumusina ka namna or poot poot…when making comments or acting on some matters where friends or other people will be affected or we think might be affected.

People have of course shown me consideration , friends and acquaintances alike.  From friends , I have expectation of consideration. I think this is an expectation we all share, that we expect our friends to be considerate to us as we are considerate with them, maybe more. From acquaintances and officemates and people , we interact with on a regular basis .  Maybe this expectation of consideration being shown to us especially from our friends and families have been a source of my sadness and disappointment .

Just recently , I cried over what I think is “inconsideration” from somebody I thought was a friend , who would  think twice  or maybe even ask me first . Maybe the deed itself was nothing to be disappointed about but  maybe the hurt inflicted  was caused by the thought that no consideration on how  I would feel about it is the one eating me. Plus the fact that it was done with someone who have been inconsiderate with my in so many occasions and  I have long known , would never consider being considerate with me.  I felt betrayed , I felt I  have lost a friend because of this  silly thing… 

Of course I  myself is guilty of being inconsiderate, maybe guiltier , in some aspects  but this does not take away from the hurt or the thought of being hurt ….. maybe because I know that as far as practicable , I have tried to be considerate  to both of them, no matter how I have felt that no consideration was given to my feelings , my situation on so many occasions. …I have embrace the fact that some people simply do not like to be friends with me..they have their reasons and I am good with that…but coming from somebody you considered your friend eats up at me……maybe I am afraid to see that I am losing a friend or maybe I was never her friend …just a client….

There are many maybes and maybe I should not hurt as much , maybe I should take it in stride , maybe I am just hormonal, or maybe I should really be hurt since no consideration was shown me ….the fact remains ,however, that I have been hurt………but hurt is hurt and that was yesterday, today is another day…let me move onward  to more beautiful days in the sun with no baggage(s) from yesterdays …..

YOU know Better, YOU know Best

YOU know better , I accept all your  answers….give a little more than you take….words that speak to your heart….

 

These are  words I utter when I am in a desperate situation, when my mind can not fathom  and yet my hear says, The LORD knows better and I accept all the answers He is giving me……..

This is how I surrender to my faith , to the LORD..I surrender …..i accept all the things that will come my way for I know my LORD takes care of my present, my future.i am confident that HE will lead the Way and my path has been chosen..

That path that he directs, I will follow…..i will follow YOU…..and I am at peace since my path  has been chosen and HE knows better….HE knows best!!!

Amen

Busted!!!

I guess once in a while ,everybody needs to rest, get away from it all. Work, family , friends  and be by oneself! I feel it, do you?

I have my off days , days when I am so lazy to work , to even think . when I just want to stay in bed, drink and blank my mind of everything?

To be by myself  and nobody else…. In this age of  tweets ,and fb,  is this still possible to crawl inside my shell ? well you do not know what a locked room and air-conditioning can do….turn on the air-con, draw the black out curtains and lock the door…..

 

All by my glorious, 'have not taken a bath-self'…. Aching body, “does not want to think-mind” and what have you? Growling stomach? Well my head is spinning and my body is aching , not the all by myself day I imagined…

Seems my body just gave me the reason to be away from my work…and  trump my diabolical plan and I was thinking this day I would be feigning sickness  , not going to the office to watch TV , eat , maybe go to the mall later and just get away from it all.

Now I am in my airconditioned  room , saddled in my bed because this body is aching so much I can not even scratch myself!!!!! Talk about  getting away from  the maddening crowd for  a day…….

Well so much for a day of  watching tv, eating and going to the mall!!! Busted !!!

Melancholic Episode

I often wonder  where has life taken me? Where will it take me in the future? What has happened to me?

I sometimes compare my life  with my friends, childhood friends who have gone on  living in my hometown, to those who have gone to the big cities .

I compare my life situation with my other set of friends from college to my friends from exchange programs , those who have built bigger names , richer finances,  better situations and maybe a more sophisticated and more complex lives?

How do I fare?

I have always believe that life has been so generous and kind to me, having experience life abroad, having an international set of friends , a wonderful husband and two adult children who I am proud of…..I have a good job that provides me with  all the things I need, maybe not all the things I want …a husband who works hard to give me the things I want … I am contented , in a way , to be able to send my kids to excellent schools here in the Philippines and give them a semblance of  a comfortable life…yes, our life is comfortable ,we are able to buy some of the things we want and buy all the things we need. We are not rich but somehow we are able to attain that level of contentment, that level of living a good life, financially and emotionally….at least as far as my standards are concerned…..

But lately , I must admit that discontent has slowly crept in……I am still thankful for  all the things I have , but I crave for more , more then I usually do….I am afraid that my comparison with my friends are taking me to a dangerous road…..to a road tethering on being bitter for  the things I no longer have …? I am afraid  ….afraid and envious for the things I am not able to do,  do reach ….

My life circumstances has changed a bit, such a small change to cause such a big insecurity….I ought to consider this change a wee bit of a little step backward , but I am feeling  so much more afraid than I should be…….

Do I over think? Over anticipate as my son would say? Where is this fear coming from?

I suspect I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis…changes are overwhelming me, my sense of stability, my sense of being me….maybe I am just having a moment…? perhaps being afraid is just normal  at this stage.. perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me and my hormones are kicking in those blues …..

But  all is well, all is restored when I realize ….

 

My father in heaven is much much more sufficient , I have long anchored my sense of stability in HIM, HIM who watches  over me….

Oooppsss, seems  my “melancholic episode” has passed  J 

Living...

Life brings so many unexpected  experiences, so many unexpected pleasure and sadness. Life has been a roller coaster ride and I have enjoyed every minute of this journey.

 

Yes life has not been  a bed of roses nor it has been a bed of nails…..Each tear  shed  for sadness  has always  found  peals of laughter  that somehow cushion all the fear and hurts  that  we have known and will know.

But our experiences, our hurts, our fears , our joys and our pleasure are the things that make who we are…..these are all intertwined in the fabric of our personality,  these are what determine how we will face the future ….

Life  is how we make it, it is how we live it..we make the life we live  and the life we live is our testimony and legacy to the people around us….

 

Take life as it is,  bend where the wind blows , smile through everything and embrace  the tears and the laughter !!!!

 

Life itself is a chain of unexpected , happy and sad moments…it is the unexpectedness of life that makes it exciting, liberating and exhilarating….!!!