And So We shall Meet Again

At that exact moment  this pawikan or turtle chose to reveal itself to me ..how providential !! At first I thought it was a fisherman, with his head bobbing on the surface of the water and then he was gone.I waited for the man to surface again and yet it did not and so  I asked Manong boatman , I saw a man’s head, maybe it was a fisherman  but where did it go? The boatman did not answer  probably he did not  understand what I said. Then all of a sudden something  appeared on the surface again and I pointed it out, there!! There is the fisherman’s head ,to which the boatman said ":mam that is not a head , it’s a pawikan or turtle!!! " Wow even my teens were so amazed since the turtle was swimming and we were all hoping it would swim by the boat. We watched it swim for a short while and then it disappeared again never to be seen again…well (by us) and somewhere a flying fish flew by ,this time everybody saw it....

Of Consideration and Expectations.....

Consideration…such a short word and so profound  meaning…

I wonder how inconsiderate I have been to people….? No matter how careful I am , I know I have been inconsiderate to some if not all of the people I have been in contact with, in some level , in some instances of our inter action.

Consideration  or “pasintabi” as it is known among oldies, or bumusina ka namna or poot poot…when making comments or acting on some matters where friends or other people will be affected or we think might be affected.

People have of course shown me consideration , friends and acquaintances alike.  From friends , I have expectation of consideration. I think this is an expectation we all share, that we expect our friends to be considerate to us as we are considerate with them, maybe more. From acquaintances and officemates and people , we interact with on a regular basis .  Maybe this expectation of consideration being shown to us especially from our friends and families have been a source of my sadness and disappointment .

Just recently , I cried over what I think is “inconsideration” from somebody I thought was a friend , who would  think twice  or maybe even ask me first . Maybe the deed itself was nothing to be disappointed about but  maybe the hurt inflicted  was caused by the thought that no consideration on how  I would feel about it is the one eating me. Plus the fact that it was done with someone who have been inconsiderate with my in so many occasions and  I have long known , would never consider being considerate with me.  I felt betrayed , I felt I  have lost a friend because of this  silly thing… 

Of course I  myself is guilty of being inconsiderate, maybe guiltier , in some aspects  but this does not take away from the hurt or the thought of being hurt ….. maybe because I know that as far as practicable , I have tried to be considerate  to both of them, no matter how I have felt that no consideration was given to my feelings , my situation on so many occasions. …I have embrace the fact that some people simply do not like to be friends with me..they have their reasons and I am good with that…but coming from somebody you considered your friend eats up at me……maybe I am afraid to see that I am losing a friend or maybe I was never her friend …just a client….

There are many maybes and maybe I should not hurt as much , maybe I should take it in stride , maybe I am just hormonal, or maybe I should really be hurt since no consideration was shown me ….the fact remains ,however, that I have been hurt………but hurt is hurt and that was yesterday, today is another day…let me move onward  to more beautiful days in the sun with no baggage(s) from yesterdays …..

YOU know Better, YOU know Best

YOU know better , I accept all your  answers….give a little more than you take….words that speak to your heart….

 

These are  words I utter when I am in a desperate situation, when my mind can not fathom  and yet my hear says, The LORD knows better and I accept all the answers He is giving me……..

This is how I surrender to my faith , to the LORD..I surrender …..i accept all the things that will come my way for I know my LORD takes care of my present, my future.i am confident that HE will lead the Way and my path has been chosen..

That path that he directs, I will follow…..i will follow YOU…..and I am at peace since my path  has been chosen and HE knows better….HE knows best!!!

Amen

Busted!!!

I guess once in a while ,everybody needs to rest, get away from it all. Work, family , friends  and be by oneself! I feel it, do you?

I have my off days , days when I am so lazy to work , to even think . when I just want to stay in bed, drink and blank my mind of everything?

To be by myself  and nobody else…. In this age of  tweets ,and fb,  is this still possible to crawl inside my shell ? well you do not know what a locked room and air-conditioning can do….turn on the air-con, draw the black out curtains and lock the door…..

 

All by my glorious, 'have not taken a bath-self'…. Aching body, “does not want to think-mind” and what have you? Growling stomach? Well my head is spinning and my body is aching , not the all by myself day I imagined…

Seems my body just gave me the reason to be away from my work…and  trump my diabolical plan and I was thinking this day I would be feigning sickness  , not going to the office to watch TV , eat , maybe go to the mall later and just get away from it all.

Now I am in my airconditioned  room , saddled in my bed because this body is aching so much I can not even scratch myself!!!!! Talk about  getting away from  the maddening crowd for  a day…….

Well so much for a day of  watching tv, eating and going to the mall!!! Busted !!!

Melancholic Episode

I often wonder  where has life taken me? Where will it take me in the future? What has happened to me?

I sometimes compare my life  with my friends, childhood friends who have gone on  living in my hometown, to those who have gone to the big cities .

I compare my life situation with my other set of friends from college to my friends from exchange programs , those who have built bigger names , richer finances,  better situations and maybe a more sophisticated and more complex lives?

How do I fare?

I have always believe that life has been so generous and kind to me, having experience life abroad, having an international set of friends , a wonderful husband and two adult children who I am proud of…..I have a good job that provides me with  all the things I need, maybe not all the things I want …a husband who works hard to give me the things I want … I am contented , in a way , to be able to send my kids to excellent schools here in the Philippines and give them a semblance of  a comfortable life…yes, our life is comfortable ,we are able to buy some of the things we want and buy all the things we need. We are not rich but somehow we are able to attain that level of contentment, that level of living a good life, financially and emotionally….at least as far as my standards are concerned…..

But lately , I must admit that discontent has slowly crept in……I am still thankful for  all the things I have , but I crave for more , more then I usually do….I am afraid that my comparison with my friends are taking me to a dangerous road…..to a road tethering on being bitter for  the things I no longer have …? I am afraid  ….afraid and envious for the things I am not able to do,  do reach ….

My life circumstances has changed a bit, such a small change to cause such a big insecurity….I ought to consider this change a wee bit of a little step backward , but I am feeling  so much more afraid than I should be…….

Do I over think? Over anticipate as my son would say? Where is this fear coming from?

I suspect I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis…changes are overwhelming me, my sense of stability, my sense of being me….maybe I am just having a moment…? perhaps being afraid is just normal  at this stage.. perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me and my hormones are kicking in those blues …..

But  all is well, all is restored when I realize ….

 

My father in heaven is much much more sufficient , I have long anchored my sense of stability in HIM, HIM who watches  over me….

Oooppsss, seems  my “melancholic episode” has passed  J 

Living...

Life brings so many unexpected  experiences, so many unexpected pleasure and sadness. Life has been a roller coaster ride and I have enjoyed every minute of this journey.

 

Yes life has not been  a bed of roses nor it has been a bed of nails…..Each tear  shed  for sadness  has always  found  peals of laughter  that somehow cushion all the fear and hurts  that  we have known and will know.

But our experiences, our hurts, our fears , our joys and our pleasure are the things that make who we are…..these are all intertwined in the fabric of our personality,  these are what determine how we will face the future ….

Life  is how we make it, it is how we live it..we make the life we live  and the life we live is our testimony and legacy to the people around us….

 

Take life as it is,  bend where the wind blows , smile through everything and embrace  the tears and the laughter !!!!

 

Life itself is a chain of unexpected , happy and sad moments…it is the unexpectedness of life that makes it exciting, liberating and exhilarating….!!!

Bullies Everywhere

It is a sad and shocking moment when you realize that the people around you can be so hostile and mean. When their  “inggit” gets the better of them.

Why else would they be  hostile and mean to somebody? They veil their hostility though jokes that are meant to embarrass you, put you on a spot? And yet they get to laugh with you?

Sometimes , a joke in poor taste is as good as an insult. People know this and they use this as their weapon, hiding behind a joke, hiding with the thought that it would be hard to censure them since it is “supposedly” a joke, so chill”.  Pathetic…people know when they are being insulted, people feel when they are being attacked.. when hostility is directed to them….and yes, many just take it with a grain of salt, to keep the peace ..fearful that  a reaction from them would only make the situation more tense.. worst  the hostile party can turn the table on them and expose the aggrieved to more hostility…

Have you been in this situation? Feeling that the hostile joke is directed at  you…to make you squirm and  uncomfortable and angry and yet confused whether to retaliate or keep silent? Are you put in a situation when you feel attacked and yet helpless? Have you felt daggers and arrows whizzing pass you and you are petrified?

People sometimes can really be  mean , really hostile, and much as we would like to punch and kick them.. it would be better to manage  that anger, that  instinct to hit back . But we have to manage our anger  so that anger will not become a poison , poisoning our peace, poisoning our physical well being!

Bullying does not happen only in schools, in offices bullying does exist ! And bullying is not  done to “weak, timid, geeky, or poor kids/adults alone.  Sometimes, even some one with a strong personality is bullied by way of hostile jokes….you can be the highest paying, the prettier, the more intelligent or vice versa but you can also be bullied. Hostile and insulting jokes is a form of bullying. There are people who really tests you, they will deliberately push you buttons  to see how you react . They think they have exposed your weakness when you retaliate , when you grow confused and get angry and you pushed back…when you push back they will jump  at that opportunity and spread that lies that you have lost your composure….    

We can bear it and grin or push a little , fight back the way they do it to you? But are we better for it?  Maybe we can take it in stride, forgive them right there and then and try to forget.

If this hostility continues to eat us up, then it becomes a poison , a poison we use to slowly stress ourselves…we have to let go..we have to see the best in us ….and maybe savor the thought that this poor guy is so bitter with his life , that bitterness comes through in the form of hostility !! ha ha ha!!!!

A deep breath, a grin and a sigh may help us during those bashing time…… then we move forward …….

 

Let us savor our life the way it should be, no bitterness and no resistance  , we flow like water…….soar like an eagle!!! Let us let go!!!