Busted!!!

I guess once in a while ,everybody needs to rest, get away from it all. Work, family , friends  and be by oneself! I feel it, do you?

I have my off days , days when I am so lazy to work , to even think . when I just want to stay in bed, drink and blank my mind of everything?

To be by myself  and nobody else…. In this age of  tweets ,and fb,  is this still possible to crawl inside my shell ? well you do not know what a locked room and air-conditioning can do….turn on the air-con, draw the black out curtains and lock the door…..

 

All by my glorious, 'have not taken a bath-self'…. Aching body, “does not want to think-mind” and what have you? Growling stomach? Well my head is spinning and my body is aching , not the all by myself day I imagined…

Seems my body just gave me the reason to be away from my work…and  trump my diabolical plan and I was thinking this day I would be feigning sickness  , not going to the office to watch TV , eat , maybe go to the mall later and just get away from it all.

Now I am in my airconditioned  room , saddled in my bed because this body is aching so much I can not even scratch myself!!!!! Talk about  getting away from  the maddening crowd for  a day…….

Well so much for a day of  watching tv, eating and going to the mall!!! Busted !!!

Melancholic Episode

I often wonder  where has life taken me? Where will it take me in the future? What has happened to me?

I sometimes compare my life  with my friends, childhood friends who have gone on  living in my hometown, to those who have gone to the big cities .

I compare my life situation with my other set of friends from college to my friends from exchange programs , those who have built bigger names , richer finances,  better situations and maybe a more sophisticated and more complex lives?

How do I fare?

I have always believe that life has been so generous and kind to me, having experience life abroad, having an international set of friends , a wonderful husband and two adult children who I am proud of…..I have a good job that provides me with  all the things I need, maybe not all the things I want …a husband who works hard to give me the things I want … I am contented , in a way , to be able to send my kids to excellent schools here in the Philippines and give them a semblance of  a comfortable life…yes, our life is comfortable ,we are able to buy some of the things we want and buy all the things we need. We are not rich but somehow we are able to attain that level of contentment, that level of living a good life, financially and emotionally….at least as far as my standards are concerned…..

But lately , I must admit that discontent has slowly crept in……I am still thankful for  all the things I have , but I crave for more , more then I usually do….I am afraid that my comparison with my friends are taking me to a dangerous road…..to a road tethering on being bitter for  the things I no longer have …? I am afraid  ….afraid and envious for the things I am not able to do,  do reach ….

My life circumstances has changed a bit, such a small change to cause such a big insecurity….I ought to consider this change a wee bit of a little step backward , but I am feeling  so much more afraid than I should be…….

Do I over think? Over anticipate as my son would say? Where is this fear coming from?

I suspect I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis…changes are overwhelming me, my sense of stability, my sense of being me….maybe I am just having a moment…? perhaps being afraid is just normal  at this stage.. perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me and my hormones are kicking in those blues …..

But  all is well, all is restored when I realize ….

 

My father in heaven is much much more sufficient , I have long anchored my sense of stability in HIM, HIM who watches  over me….

Oooppsss, seems  my “melancholic episode” has passed  J 

Living...

Life brings so many unexpected  experiences, so many unexpected pleasure and sadness. Life has been a roller coaster ride and I have enjoyed every minute of this journey.

 

Yes life has not been  a bed of roses nor it has been a bed of nails…..Each tear  shed  for sadness  has always  found  peals of laughter  that somehow cushion all the fear and hurts  that  we have known and will know.

But our experiences, our hurts, our fears , our joys and our pleasure are the things that make who we are…..these are all intertwined in the fabric of our personality,  these are what determine how we will face the future ….

Life  is how we make it, it is how we live it..we make the life we live  and the life we live is our testimony and legacy to the people around us….

 

Take life as it is,  bend where the wind blows , smile through everything and embrace  the tears and the laughter !!!!

 

Life itself is a chain of unexpected , happy and sad moments…it is the unexpectedness of life that makes it exciting, liberating and exhilarating….!!!

Bullies Everywhere

It is a sad and shocking moment when you realize that the people around you can be so hostile and mean. When their  “inggit” gets the better of them.

Why else would they be  hostile and mean to somebody? They veil their hostility though jokes that are meant to embarrass you, put you on a spot? And yet they get to laugh with you?

Sometimes , a joke in poor taste is as good as an insult. People know this and they use this as their weapon, hiding behind a joke, hiding with the thought that it would be hard to censure them since it is “supposedly” a joke, so chill”.  Pathetic…people know when they are being insulted, people feel when they are being attacked.. when hostility is directed to them….and yes, many just take it with a grain of salt, to keep the peace ..fearful that  a reaction from them would only make the situation more tense.. worst  the hostile party can turn the table on them and expose the aggrieved to more hostility…

Have you been in this situation? Feeling that the hostile joke is directed at  you…to make you squirm and  uncomfortable and angry and yet confused whether to retaliate or keep silent? Are you put in a situation when you feel attacked and yet helpless? Have you felt daggers and arrows whizzing pass you and you are petrified?

People sometimes can really be  mean , really hostile, and much as we would like to punch and kick them.. it would be better to manage  that anger, that  instinct to hit back . But we have to manage our anger  so that anger will not become a poison , poisoning our peace, poisoning our physical well being!

Bullying does not happen only in schools, in offices bullying does exist ! And bullying is not  done to “weak, timid, geeky, or poor kids/adults alone.  Sometimes, even some one with a strong personality is bullied by way of hostile jokes….you can be the highest paying, the prettier, the more intelligent or vice versa but you can also be bullied. Hostile and insulting jokes is a form of bullying. There are people who really tests you, they will deliberately push you buttons  to see how you react . They think they have exposed your weakness when you retaliate , when you grow confused and get angry and you pushed back…when you push back they will jump  at that opportunity and spread that lies that you have lost your composure….    

We can bear it and grin or push a little , fight back the way they do it to you? But are we better for it?  Maybe we can take it in stride, forgive them right there and then and try to forget.

If this hostility continues to eat us up, then it becomes a poison , a poison we use to slowly stress ourselves…we have to let go..we have to see the best in us ….and maybe savor the thought that this poor guy is so bitter with his life , that bitterness comes through in the form of hostility !! ha ha ha!!!!

A deep breath, a grin and a sigh may help us during those bashing time…… then we move forward …….

 

Let us savor our life the way it should be, no bitterness and no resistance  , we flow like water…….soar like an eagle!!! Let us let go!!!

Leaving an Era Behind...

This Saturday, October 27, 2012, as we turn off the lights at the Museum , I can not help but feel so heart broken. Maybe Odhe feels it too…. Maybe because there are only 2 of us manning the GSIS Museum, the deafening silence  enforces that melancholic feeling…….

From the Upper Gallery down to the lower galley , we turn off the lights of the Museum. I am startled by the seeming emptiness of the place yet there are still artworks hanging on the walls……I feel I am going to a familiar place with   unfamiliar sights, sounds and feel.…..

Gone are the rural scenes and the light and shadows  from the works of Fernando Amorsolo ,  gone are the religious icons seen from the works of Botong Francisco , the long ago scenes from the Jose Blanco’s  paintings and gone is the Bayanihan and  its  spirit by Vicente Manansala that  greets us at the lower gallery. No more are the shapes and colors of the   HR Ocampo abstracts. It feels strange…. 

The sadness becomes deeper as we gaze at the murals by Fernando Amorsolo and  Roger San Miguel , knowing that soon they might be leaving the GSIS Museum…It is an eerie feeling  looking at the museum from the Upper Gallery bereft of its long time occupants and now the walls that have cradled the works of the masters , are now cradling new artworks , as if the babies that these walls have cradled have grown up and left the nest …now the Museum will be cradling new woks , new babies that we hope to see grow up and join the long list of Filipino masters…..

We close the doors of the Luna room , feeling we are closing the door to an era, to a time when a Parisian Lady  use to sit and gaze at visitors coming in……On Monday , we are preparing to open the doors of the Luna Room …….and see another world , another time?  Ha ha ha….it would still have the time period we have been so familiar coming in, with one big difference, no more Parisian Lady …….

For now , I am, we are, struggling to familiarize ourselves with  our new occupants, our new  babies and dealing with missing the old masters …. But life goes on..the Museum  staff  will be  meeting, exploring and embracing  new artists, events and exhibits…….because we believe……J  

Taken Down...

As they are taken down, a tinge of sadness  passes through the staff of the GSIS Museum…they are taking down, one by one the artworks of the masters!

First the Amorsolos, then the Manansalas, then maybe the HR Ocampos and now the Alcuaz’s ….then the old Churches of  Ragodon…..

We wait with bitterness, yes that bitterness that we are trying so very hard to fight…we are succeeding but we feel it…we wait , we anticipate….the Parisian Life is next…….

We are busy, we try to keep ourselves busy not to see how they are packing, boxing the lights that had kept our museum bright…..

We go to the storage room , the  sound of sadness greets us, as plastic bubbles , as boxes are folded and taped ..as titles are written on top of each box, inside its precious cargo, the works of the masters…just some of the 90 or so artworks to go…

It is true , we have grown attached, maybe in love with those artworks but can you blame us? We have tried preparing ourselves when this day is supposed to come, we did but as the day  nears , we lose our nerves….. this has been their house, and we have been their caretakers….we know we are loosing them and yet we can not help miss them already.

We now look forward to reinventing our place in the GSIS…in discovering and being  of service to our members and public alike as we look forward to  seeing them back in the Museum …soon… until then we bid our bitter-sweet goodbye for now!!!   

Travelers

Travelers

People come in and out of our lives…no matter how much we pray for some people to stay in our lives, forever is not a popular word in our relationships.

Friends , families only stay in our lives for some reason and when their time with us is up, they fade away. Some times the circumstances when they leave are painful…we remember them with bitterness in our hearts …we struggle to forget but they come back, haunting us , making forgetting harder and harder….other times they leave when we least expect them to leave, but most of the times   people in our lives leave without us knowing , without us feeling they have left. We only realize they have left us when we are confronted with situations and our need for their presence become real….

Most of the times we are left with just the lessons, we forget who taught us, ghostly memories of people who touched our lives and like the clouds, they just pass us by ….

And then there are people whose spirit remains with us for a long time ……they have left us and yet their spirit lingers boosted  by the feeling they have made us feel, by the tenderness we feel when they were still here and places , sights and sounds make us remember……

People , places can also make us forget…..we become heady, drunk with the here and now and we forget.. we forget the lessons of the past….we head out to the future oblivious of the lessons which arm us , prepare us for the future…the unknown future….Not knowing makes us afraid………

Afraid of what could be ….afraid we have no one to turn to…..no memories to draw our strength   from…we must remember for remembering  brings us back to where we are before, who we were and in turn strengthens who have become now!! Let us remember the people who has traveled in and out of our lives...together with the lessons they have imparted..