Hallowed to Hollowed

...another inevitable?

I am again at a crossroads? I again about to cross another bridge.....the Museo  might soon be closing and from the looks of it...it is inevitable ...again!

I will be going another path?  I am sad, I am afraid but mostly sad..I feel that I have finally found a home, somewhere my heart and soul can sing...somewhere where work is fun , fulfilling and I am in my element...somewhere where I had hoped I will stay for a loooooooong loooooong time ....and yet seemingly i am  just transitioning ......and what a transition!

Melancholy .....a deep deep sadness ...I am leaving a place where I have been for such a short time , but the deep deep sadness  I have belies this...In such a short time, I have found my home, a place where I am comfortable, a place where I work and yet it is also the place I celebrate my being, my soul , my culture, the real me, the me I want...the museum has become my refuge...i am surrounded by my culture, surrounded by the arts , embraced by my heritage ....

i take long walks around the garden of artists, when flowers bloom all year long, the stream an endless song of nature and the light so warm.........the place feeds not only the physical, it feeds the soul ....

This is an intersection of lives, we meet friends , potential friends and just people who are hungry for the cultured life...for a life where our  souls can sing ......... the halls and corridors whisper peace ......they bring a certain peace, a certain enlightenment... the walls have their own stories and the at works bring you to another place, another time and yet you are transfixed !!! this is art, this is culture , this is life ....... real life with real people passing through  ......after all art is not for the rich alone, our lives are our art and my life has become a pat of the art , museum art....

It is where I am as comfortable as I am when I am at home...it is my second home almost my home...but for a short while.....the hallowed walls might soon become hollowed...when the paintings, tapestries , sculptures shall have been removed, nay stripped from the walls , from the nooks , from the corners ...... and i am again removed devoid of the roots that have gown deep......in such a short time, i have taken roots here in the museum and now these roots are to be torn again.........i wonder where I shall have roots again...........life is a journey...it would have been nicer if I can stay a little longer embraced by my heritage....

Our Heritage

.....our heritage, our inheritance.....our way of life...our life...

So who's responsibility is it? When our heritage is our inheritance ? Does that responsibility rest on some person, some entity by virtue of a law? When you have the capacity to preserve, protect that inheritance, that way of life, that culture, that heritage , would not not take on that responsibility, that challenge, just because  the law says that the responsibility rests on the shoulder of another entity?

Would you give up that opportunity to be of service to your country, to your constituents, to the stake holders, to the next generation because the perception is that it is not your responsibility, it is somebody else's? That you turn a blind eye because it is somebody else's duty and not yours? You turn your back on your culture because you found an excuse? You end a chapter just because some law says it it beyond your jurisdiction?  But what is beyond one's jurisdiction if it is about culture, about the way of life , about your inheritance, are there no more sacred thing that one may turn its back to a duty that each citizen, each Filipino is morally bound to do?   In fact, it behooves us .....

What does it take away from you if you do help out in protecting cultural treasures, our heritage ? The protection is for the next generation , for them to be able to enjoy though work of arts the experience that their forefathers were able to experience and which they may no longer experience? To see through the eyes of the artist? To feel what it feels in the olden times, in certain situation, moments that the artist have tried to preserve? Does it take away something from one ?

What drives one's decision regarding culture/ Can we honestly say that it is not our responsibility to protect culture, the arts when we ourselves  can appreciate it? When we surround ourselves with the work of arts , can we say it is not ours to protect? Is one being selfish when one enjoys all these and yet would not care if others  won't be able to?

Can we wash our hands because of a law? Can we turn our backs because we can? Because we found an excuse not to care? Is it not selfish if we enjoy these things and yet deprive others the joy that art brings?

Can we pass on the responsibility to another entity because we can; because of the perceived legality of being able to?

Would one rather not keep something valuable close and nearby? Are we  not better off if our investments and cultural treasures are in our custody and  being enjoyed by all?


Have we become so calloused that we close our eyes to the fact that others need art and culture in their life just like you do?

What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that others can appreciate arts too?

Can we just close our eyes to the fact that  people, students, members benefit from this culture, from this heritage?

Composing a Life

How does one compose a life? Do we compose our lives the way we do our essays. our memos? How do we compose our memos/ we think of technical, not so personal and business like terms? How about our essays?

Do we follow an outline, then fill out the body ? How do we then?

Do we add things , feelings, places , our experiences when we write  our lives? Do we plan so well ahead the moments and episodes we want to live? Can we actually compose our lives so that when we look back we can see the future we once dreamed of?

I guess we can steer our lives in the direction we want to go to, we can achieve the dreams and make them a reality . Maybe luck plays a prat in our lives but so does hard work ,perseverance and all the attitudes that make us who we are! People around us, those who give us a break and those who pull us down. Our lives are compose of all these and more. Karma , what goes around comes around. What we send forth the universe comes back to haunt or help us....such is life....

Let us live to the fullest, let us compose our lives the way we want to..not by the guidelines and limitations people around us may expect ..let us live and compose our lives being a blessing to ourselves and to others....

We compose our lives facing  the cards dealt to us with an attitude of gratitude We become sweet instead of bitter with the life  we live and the choices we made..let us be thankful, after all , those are our choices, our decisions ..no one , nothing to blame them on....

Lives are meant to be lived , lived to the fullest and dreams ? Well, nothing can top the feeling of a dream coming true but let us not  beat ourselves if our dreams do not come true...let us trust the universe that it has a better  plan for us, one better suited to our needs, to our wants..we trust our instincts , we trust the world around us and believe  ! Believe and forgive!!!

Hey life is a dream, let us wake up believing !!

Later ,Mom!

What if you were talking to your 16 yer old son about his plans for his college education ;and that he needs to do  to go to the school of his second choice?  ( he used to like another school in which  he also passed the entrance exams).

Asking him why the sudden change and if he knows that the fees in the school is almost double the fee in the school of his first choice? And that if he wants to go to that school, he needs to find a scholarship, even a partial one and he needs to find one fast! And the only thing you get is, can we talk about this later, Mom? And proceeds to watch "the big bang theory" show? what would you have done? What would you have not done?

Me? I shouted on top of my voice and told him to leave my room!!! Gosh, children !!! oh, I am so sorry, TEENS!!!!!

But the story does not end at that. He left the room without saying anything then just as he was about to close the door to my room , he said "oh wait a minute, I need you to sign this reply slip" My gosh, how do you react?

Me ? I signed the reply slip and collapsed on my bed!!! Darn!!!!

One Item in my Bucket List

Well, i have a secret bucket list, ha ha ha, I have it in my heart and in my future..... I have yet to write it on a piece of paper and shove it somewhere in my  vault of wishes...but I have one....and one item on it is to live in a Villa in Tuscany ,Italy...how crazy is this dream? Far fetched, oh no, not for me.... at least not when you based it to where I have been , to what i have been given in life, maybe not in terms of "millions" or in pesos...but I have been around 2 continents by sheer luck, determination , dream and just faith! So I am looking forward to a future, a near future , living in a villa in Tuscany!!!

And what am I doing to prepare for it? By watching anything Italian. I watched Sofia Loren's "My House is full of Mirrors, part 1 and part 2..I am a fan of the 2 Greedy Italians, this is a show about the travels , the feasts of 2 Italian friends going around , where else , but  Italy!!! Viva Italia!1Ha ha ha!!! I watch the cooking show of Giada De Laurentis and how i love the Italian way of life!!!Natural, fresh ingredients and really really simple way of cooking  and who can resist the beautiful country side!!!  Bellissima! I hope i got the spelling right ! I am sure I am in love with the laid back life, the gusto they show for their life! The food, the wine , the bread, i eat them ...almost every week!!! After all i am a fan of italianni's.   I even try my best to get the accent...i feel it in my bones, my living in Tuscany , in a villa with lavender fields as  my backyard! The wine vineyard as my front yard and just walking and smelling the lovely lovely lavender and olive trees around me!! I can not think of any , more effective ways for the universe not to give in to my dream and give me my one item in my bucket list.....than living the life , breathing the life under the Tuscan sun!!

My walls are even decorated with things of Europe, well, of course if I am living in Tuscany, it would be very easy to go to Paris, gay Pareeee!!  So on the walls of our room, I have the Eiffel Tower, the Church whose name I can not pronounce, much less spell!! ha ha ha...but  I feel it...I am on my way to living a life in a villa in Tuscany.....I have sent my wishes to the Universe...I have sent it though the winds , though the breeze, though the moon light shining above........I can already smell it.....feel the cold wind and hot sun of Tuscany!!!

And in the meantime that I am waiting for the Universe to grant my wishes, I will watch Mamma Mia!!! Feb. 9, 2012......and i will tell you all about it!!!!My , I am one step closer to my villa in Tuscany!!!

Now how can you not love this life I live!!!!

Early Onset of the " Empty Nest Feeling"

I am turning 45 this May , and what better age can I be in? No better age than 45! My  GSIS policy will be maturing though I have converted to LEP a few years ago and thus I am not expecting a bonanza of maturity money! But I am feel I am in another level , another page of my life? My marriage is great , the kids are slowly composing their lives, getting more independent each day and Tops and I are feeling  a little left out.

I used to say that the years fly really fast and that my kids will be adults soon and now that they are on their way    to adulthood, it seems that we are the ones not prepared! And all our married life we, at least I thought , that I am looking forward to my kids growing up, having my independence again and living our lives for us again! Then guess what? That level is coming soon and though I am enjoying my "alone" walks , well, I miss the days when I can take my kids anywhere I go, dress them with whatever I want to dress them with (though this is not  saying the 2 teens have always been easy to handle) !  Well, this is maybe the mommy in me talking. When the mommy no longer has a good grip in the "control" department, i think feeling like this is soooo natural for parents!1Ha ha ha . It feels one is loosing one's kids but in reality the teens are just spreading their wings, trying new things and really , really deciding for themselves!! I am  realizing only now  that this independence is the very thing I have tried and tried teaching my kids when they were so much younger and now that they are showing that they learned it well, I am feeling kinda left out, we are feeling kinda left out....Parents!!!

but you know what, modern technology, new things and a changed perspective on things, on what people value, on how people look a things nowadays have made it more difficult for parents to raise kids and probably more difficult for kids and teens to grow up normally ( whoa, normal as in my personal standards and might definitely be very different with  my teens' take on normal ha ha ha) and with less difficulty . And yet when they are on their way to growing up and living a life of their choice, the mommy in me is uncomfortable, maybe even insecure!!! These feelings have lead me to ask myself, is this some sort of early onset of empty nest syndrome ?Bah!!!! Trouble with parents is we cannot wait for our kids to grow up when they are little and yet when they really do grow up, we long for those days that we can freely kiss them and hug them in front of everybody!!!

And who is to say that we are ready to let our teens decide for themselves? Most of the times I really need to bite my lips to control myself from being controlling and tying to make my teens live the life I want them to live. It is really so had to standby and let them live their lives the way they want to live it!!  And no matter how i trust my kids,     no matter how clear their  future seems to be , the mommy in me cannot help myself!!! that's the mommy in me, wait till you see the daddy in my husband!!

but I am sooo thankful to my teens, and though we do not always see eye to eye, in fact we seem to be always arguing ( me I shout as only a mommy can har har har ha :))   and being petty I am proud of them, proud of the fact that they  have given me a full life, they have given me lessons I would have never learnt on my own and for the memories and feelings I  have and will always have in my life!!

Times will be flying so fast , in a few years Tops and I will have the house all to ourselves again!!! In the meantime, I have to live with this teenage boy who has to be told to take a bath and to stay and  sleep in his own room and this young lady who has to be reminded that partying is not her whole life and having designer jeans, designer shoes, designer everything is   the end all and be all of  being a young lady!!!

Moments

January 22, 2012

It’s Sunday  “ME” time…enjoying my being alone at the house with only Snowie, the dog  at my side..

Got to take a look at my activities  yesterday…my first Saturday duty at the Museum…and I loved every minute of it. I am at my feet for the most part of the day…I get to talk to people, share my very tiny bit knowledge on the history of the Philippines , at least those associated with the Parisian Life..Parisina Life is the paining of Juan Luna…. And I am getting to be more active…I go around the museum with the visitors, share a little about the work of arts  and walk back and forth, up and down the museum galleries!!! Perfect!!

Now, more than ever I am appreciating my being with the Museum …it is a decision I am not regretting…tomorrow or October 2012 will take care of itself…in the meantime I am enjoying myself with my Museum work…the things I am learning and trying to learn and unlearn….

I guess, this is the benefit of a choice you yourself made, a decision to choose what will make me happy…by going with my instincts , using my knowledge of who I am, I am happy , happier I think with my work life….

Of course this is not to say I am now an expert about  my job, I am still learning, struggling but I am happy and my happiness doing my job more than makes up for the struggle I am undergoing…..I am learning to read again!!!

I am in touch with my creative , writing me….I am nervous but full of anticipation for my new job….I am again in touch with people, talking to them , feeling so fulfilled when people appreciate our culture, the arts and what little knowledge I can share….  

It still surprises me that people are so very appreciative, I am only doing my job, or so I thought ,but people like Tito and his mom, our visitors at the GSIS Museum , really made my day….so appreciative , so hungry to know more about our culture, our history and telling to your face, you are doing the country good..how nice is that?

This job, this too is service. Service to our members and to our people…. and no matter what happens come October 2012, I am happy and enjoying the moments!!

Love the life you live!!